So i was going around this roundabout. And i just remember going around the whole roundabout in in preston docks. And i just started driving home and i just thought i don't even know why i'm going i don't want to do this anymore. So 2016 season you lost your card i'm right in saying yep and then.
Um i know kind of brushed up that lightly but i kind of want to really come to the open looks that's for me what arguably the most exciting story of this what happened in 2017 then.
Is that when you decided to start coaching 2017 i started the season. And i was playing a bit of challenge tour. But euro pro and the season was up. And down didn't really fire on all cylinders and by the time the season ended or came to an end i i was in a situation where i was in a good enough position on the order merit on euro pro to play the grand final. And i remember um i was driving to sna from where where i live now in lytham to i was going through preston. And i was driving to go. And practice for um q school yeah. And i remember driving and i was in a bad place at the time like mentally because i was on european tour then.
I lost my card because i felt like i only had half a shot really with the card i had actually maintaining a tour card because what you've got to remember is it's a european tour card. But the money that you're playing for is. So small compared to what the likes of the rories are playing. For the rolex series and stuff like that it's different if you're not getting into those big money events and making the cut it's really really hard because you're only playing for like a quarter of the money of what a normal european tour event would be so it might be a european tour card but there's levels to it isn't there again yeah again there's tears. And i was in the lowest tier like playing. For the smallest money and i wasn't getting into every event so i had to try and fill some weeks in playing challenge tour so even though you're on european tour you're still going back to your roots of playing challenge tour. So you're in a situation where you don't really feel like you can get off because you're not giving yourself the most chance just a question then.
This might sound really random. But then.
Say if you within that year met somebody who played golf and then.
They said you were a tour pro. And they were oh my word did you kind of feel ever like obviously you should feel really proud of that. But did you ever feel like you didn't feel like a full tour probably have that full card definitely like it's how people see things like i would class that as yes it was a european tour card. But it was never like a proper full european tour card well even though it was a full one um it wasn't enough to play like a 35 events you weren't going to be in wpj. For example i wasn't going to places like dubai guitar places like that i was just do you almost feel like there should be like a gold european tour card a silver one in the bronze one that one would have been in bronze yep at that level that would that would be a good way to to like because it's almost like you say it's just one european tour card. And that's it and you actually get a card don't you yeah. And a clip yeah belt clip yep is that it any other bits you get a sticker. For your car no you get like a nice box what's in the box well you clip. And all right have you still got that obviously yeah. So like when when you get that like say you think brilliant i've made it a european tour. But like say it has got levels do you think do you think it's like fair. And it sounds like a daft question but do you think it's it's correctly structured i think q school um is a difficult place to gain a card. And then.
Maintain a card and keep a card you don't really have a full chance at doing it like just look at how many people get the tour card at q school and then.
Lose it unfortunately the rules have changed since i've lost my card but you can't fall from european talk about european tour all the way to europa pro anymore you you stop at challenges there's a safety net there's a safety net now um and that would have massively benefited me i might have still been playing because if that was in place then..
But at the time i just fell from the top all the way to the euro pro which i was out classes at the bottom well just take advantage of that drag. So that's part of an important part you've told me this before i think offer i told you earlier on well another time. But so you're in the car you're feeling a bit down et cetera and what happened there basically i'm driving to prepare for q school yeah. And i remember getting to preston preston docks and i was just in a bad place thinking i i don't really know why i'm driving here anymore i just i've had enough. But i just don't want to talk to the loved ones and sponsors in in my in my life at the time i just wanted to make a decision and just get out and i'd started researching like doing pga and things like that and i've always been fairly good at like teaching the game to people and analyzing technique and stuff like that so i was going around this roundabout. And i just remember going around the whole roundabout in in preston docks. And i just started driving home and i just thought i don't even know why i'm going i don't want to do this anymore. And drove home i pulled out of q school pulled out of um all the like last events of the year and i applied for my pga was on the same day. Or like just kind of days after taking a bit of time to get no one literally sat down. For hours and did it all. And then.
My wife came home and she was like why are you not a golf well wife not at the time. But um and she was i was like packed in that's it it's done. And were you like were you emotional obviously you're smiling now. And saying that but obviously that must have been a really tough decision it was it was it was hard because when you're in that bubble of playing like all my friends are golfers. And tour players and when you're in that bubble you're all trying to do the same thing. And for me i just had a moment of madness and i just said i don't want to do this anymore wow it's not making me happy. But it sounds like it came on all of a sudden there but it's been a build up i guess hasn't it yeah like we were speaking about before it's 10 11 years of the same thing every day repetition good years bad years good results bad results like everybody being your best friend everyone back in here six months later everyone no one's talking to you because you're playing bad. And just those emotions just got the better of me in the end and i've said i don't want to do this anymore did you sorry did you see that did you see friends come. And go like almost clean gunners cling clean goddesses fingers on light that would cling on to you because i don't you know yeah you do get that. But like your true friends sponsors like they always talk to you basically but even they get disappointed unfortunately and the people have helped you along the way certainly my mum and dad like they just let it emotionally attack them yeah with with that decision then.
When you kind of understood the roundabout. And you turn around you come back obviously there's lots of factors that go into it but overriding was it a case of i don't think i'm good enough to do this. Or was it a case of i think i am good enough. But to get to that point to be so much more many years of this again in the grind i just don't want to do that yeah well the situation i was in was i was basically a euro pro player again. And i just thought to get to that 500 000 a year every year yeah i have to go through probably another 12 months on euro pro graduate to challenge tough. And just finishing the top five on the order merit then.
Once i'm on challenge tour i have to now finish top 15 on that order of merit so that's another year then.
With that was the only way i felt like i had a good enough chance to earn 500 000 by having a challenge tour european tour card. So basically being a challenge to a graduate you get a better tour card than you would if you were a q school graduate like we were saying you ranked it as like bronze that was a good way to accurate way to do it that'll put you in silver. And then.
You'd have a good chance of doing that but that's a year on euro pro a year on challenge tour and then.
You've got a year on european tour but that was perfect you know what i mean top five. So no hiccups because i felt like if even if i got the euro at the q school category on europa european tour again i still felt like that's not a good enough card to actually graduate. And stay there like the amount of people that get that card and lose it because it's not strong it doesn't get you into enough events does if again just going back yeah. But if the if the somebody must qualify from that sorry going back this idea of gold silver bronze that bronze european tour card do people advance from there. Or is it literally impossible it's it's not impossible. But 25 graduate and i'm sure it was like a three that maintain the card very very small we did a video didn't we we went to illumina illuminate whatever it's called in spain yeah the final qualifying. And we did some interviews. Or richness means a lot of players i remember jeff winthor as well jeff winther scott gregory dan gavins um and we kept the nine of them without the season and i don't think any of them jeff winth has i think's done okay yeah. But so many of them just dropped back out again yeah well i'm sure it was three on average that maintained the card from that category um which is such a small percentage don't forget like at the start of q school there's say this 2000 that enter it's actually 18 months down the line these three people are keeping that this is a silly question a hypothetical one let's say start 2017 i know you decided not to bother now. But let's just say you got given the gold card the top european every invite for every event that year hand on how durability wise do you think you would have ever been able to keep that. And you would have actually succeeded do you think i had the ability to do. So yeah definitely i just felt like ability was never really an issue i felt mentally there was a lot of things that i wasn't happy with like oh i was i always like kept on thinking about the money. And thinking how much have i got to play this event like a bad month on tour and you could spend fifteen thousand pound yeah before you know it you think god that's my whole savings gone like what am i gonna do. For the next.
Week and i never actually concentrated on just golf i was concentrating on too much off the course instead of just playing gold like ability to play golf there's no no issues i doubt this because the kind of lad you are. But did you ever look at players who were doing quite well. And so that you were better than. And almost resent them and think i know that i can beat tommy on a good day. Or danny will it's only a bit better than me whatever. And look at what they're doing did that ever cross your mind. Or or not yeah. And when you're growing up it was it was always the conversation at the golf club like if if me. And tommy were in the same event like oh you missed the cup you see what tommy did. And it was always like comparison. And it was never never really got to me it became a bit of a joke with the lads at the golf club he'd say oh like watch him he's going to come over. And say oh i was watching you last week lucky there you missed the court didn't you yeah thanks. For that cheers just what you want just about to carry on putting here and half the time i had earpieces in and you weren't even turned on also just going back to see you lost a european tour card how old are you at that point 28. Or 27 uh 27. how much of it is also playing on your mind that you'd probably had friends that you were seeing maybe getting successful jobs. And getting nice cars and potentially getting married at that time and having children how much did that also play on your mind as a 27 year old man with a with a girlfriend kind of where does that all fit into your life the massive part like obviously golf was getting me down at the time because i was going through a bad spell. But i had good support at home well my girlfriend at the time livy who's now my wife um we were in a situation where we bought a house. But it was obviously mainly her money that bought the house. And then.
I was feeling a bit like incapable of paying the bills basically because i was playing euro pro. And i mean you can't really play euro pro. And own a house and it's crazy children and stuff like that because i bet if you said that to a lot of people just like if you said to a lot of people probably listening you're a challenge tour player yep i wonder what the perception is like i would like i reckon if if draw me a challenge tour player yep show me what house they live in show me what car they drive show me how much they've got in the bank i think would be very different to reality very different um where again you go back to this idea of european tour player showing me the car the house the the bank balance. But again that is. So small of amount of players who probably with the ferrari the mansion and 10 million in the bank exactly five players it's only a few so you know i mean when i was 27 i got married i had my first child. And i remember looking at that time and i know quite a lot of professionals in similar boats to you who are out on tour who would be in my opinion a long way in their life um goals let's say a long way away from that because they've not got married just. Yet and they've not had children and things like that like and i thought i wonder what they think about that. And you're just kind of expressing that as well now oh yeah like like i was saying that if if you take me back to that 27 year old that had to then.
Go to euro pro go to challenge tour go to european tour like that was over three years that would be the perfect scenario you'd still struggle to buy a house doing that yeah. So i just felt like i couldn't contribute and i wanted children and at that time it was just like a weird time in my life. And i was just thinking if i don't do it now i could be 35 before i'm having a child. And buying a house yeah.
